Why Meanness?

Why Meanness?

Do you spend the majority of your day dodging and combating snipes, snide remarks, nasty comments, put-downs, one-ups, and disses? They could be directed at you or at others. The world is a treacherous war zone of unhappiness and verbal abuse. People have become opportunistic stalkers to catch each other at their weakest and then exploit them for their own benefit.  We live in a feeding frenzy for dirt and to dish. Rarely do we accentuate the positive.  We love to laugh, humiliate, and demean others. We look for our chances to gain fame through someone else’s missteps or misfortune.

Why are people so drawn to the negative?

It’s a way for us to release some of the pressures of our lives. To belittle someone else makes us feel better about our existence.  If the most perfect people appear to have facade cracks, then the gaping holes we feel in our own lives become a little less important.

It’s a way to explain the excuses we have in our mind for our shortcomings or unrealized potential.

It’s a way to verbalize jealousy.

It’s a way to vent our personal unhappiness and sadness.

It’s a way to feel superior and omnipotent.

It’s a way to transfer or project our unhappiness.

It’s a way to critically look at the world and evaluate everything learned as a child as good or bad. Some people grew up being constantly criticized, and feeling not good enough. They simply took this model of parental behavior and transferred it to their vision and treatment of others. Everything is seen as a matter for critique and evaluation.

It’s a way to hurt others intentionally.

It’s a way to gain power or control.

It’s a way to rationalize that you really are OK.

It’s really a form of bullying behavior that needs to be recognized as such.

Focusing on and negatively bashing someone else is a momentary release.  There is often little remorse or little thought.  There is little caring for the feelings of others and are no safe arenas. It seems the more personal and embarrassing the attack, the better. People often even go to great lengths to plot and set each other up for attack.

A lot of what we see as meanness, we also label as human nature. Are most of us guilty? Probably. Can we do something to change our actions or rethink our responses? Probably. I think the answer is to recognize the behavior as more of a self-expression of the person doing the behavior rather than a deficiency of the target. I think the answer lies in being forgiving toward each other and ourselves. I think the answer lies in redirecting our thinking and actions toward the positive rather than the negative and to begin finding pleasure and gratitude in our own lives rather than looking to rip someone apart.

Live your dreams,


About the author

Yearning to get to clear on your dreams and put together a real plan to go after them? Let Life Coach, Susan Spira get your journey started to take your turn and start living the life you've always wanted. Download Susan’s FREE Jumpstart! Your Life Kit™ And Start Learning How!

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