What we accept for ourselves, we may not accept for others. Think about this. It’s more complicated than it seems.
We all have traits or “issues” that we overlook about ourselves and feel it’s ok to personally be that way; however, within our relationships with others we hold others to a different set of standards.
Some examples that come to mind:
1. The person who is critical of someone else’s child rearing habits while their own child is deeply in trouble.
2. The person who gets in tons of car accidents yet tries to tell you how to drive.
3. The person who can’t boil water yet tells you how to improve your cooking.
4. The person who has a style that can’t even be called a style tells you how to dress.
5. The person who has never accomplished anything in their lifetime except complaining and bullying tries to tell you how to run your life and your business.
So why do we do it?
Perhaps suffer from psychological issues and compulsions like narcissistic behavior, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and antisocial behaviors.
Perhaps just like to feel superior and do it to increase feelings of self-worth or capture the spotlight
Perhaps feel criticizing takes the personal pressure off and on to someone else.
Perhaps want to keep others at a distance and do so by being critical.
Perhaps want to control others by being seen as an expert.
Perhaps want to entwine into someone else’s life as an avoidance measure.
Perhaps are hyper-critical on a personal level also and just do it as a natural extension of behavior, treating others the same way you treat yourself.
Perhaps it’s just purely for the attention, the control, and/or the power
Yes, life is made of people who have all the answers for other people and no answers for themselves. I like to think of it as a way of escaping their sadness and trying to feel a sense of worth. If they can put the spotlight on someone else and act like the expert, strength or relief is gained. The sad thing is they do little to self-actualize, simply ignore too painful self-issues, and become more of an expert on what everyone else should be doing rather than just tolerating and tending to their growth.
In my experience, I have found very few over-critical “have- all- the- answers” type people in the group of people I would call “doers”. “Doers” appreciate the doing and are not so quick to jump in with constant critiques. They get that there is always room for improvement, but that celebration and appreciation is crucial to our relationships with each other.
I think the challenge of life is to learn a lesson from all the behaviors we do and have done to us.
If you are a person who is apt to be critical, rethink your behavior and give people a break. Find out what is missing for you and fill it with a more joyous outlook and acceptance. Seek professional help, if warranted.
If you are a person who is oversensitive to these types of critical people, understand they are the ones coming from sadness, pain, or difficulty. You are their prey. Get away from these types and don’t allow them to have power over you. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. Learn who you are and be happy with you. Feel your power and embrace confidence. Seek professional help, if warranted.
Accept or Except? It’s up to each one of us to choose our relationships and our reactions carefully. Accept that some may be hurting enough to hurt others. Except those that are toxic to you from your realm. Try to practice patience, good judgment, and watch your tongue with others and yourself.
Live your dreams,